cold feet

I’ve been having a rough week.  A weak moment, I guess you could say.

This impending move to Wisconsin has ranked somewhere in between “emotional roller coaster” and “whirlwind to adulthood”.

I thought I had arrived safely at “acceptance”, as I was no longer overwhelmed with a feeling of panic at the image of Anthony and me driving away from my house for the last time on January 2nd, 2015.  In fact, at times, there is even a little surge of excitement at the idea of having a home of our own, one I can decorate and make mine however I’d like.  Financial independence and a big step into adulthood that I didn’t think would be possible for another year or two.  I won’t lie, the situation is not without benefits… most days.

But then there are days like the last three, where I’m having trouble seeing the positives at all.  My mind is clouded with the distance that will soon be between myself and my family and friends and anything familiar.  I know I will love the area — I already do love it.  I know I will adjust.  I know it will be fine.  I know all of this.  But what I also know is, it won’t be that way over night.  There will be that pesky adjustment phase filled with homesickness, and second thoughts.  Adjustment phases are doubt’s playground.  And I guess I just hope I can tough it out, and not ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me, and that’s Anthony.

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