Note to self & others. When you are entrusted the task of purchasing airline tickets to make a highly inconvenient yet anxiously awaited trip across the country for Easter, always run through this mental checklist before hitting “complete order.”
- Always make sure you are purchasing your tickets through shop.com‘s Travel tab. If you are an average human looking to not have to sell an organ in order to get home to see Grandma on Easter Sunday, Shop.com travel is powered by Priceline & finds you the sweet deals. If you are a shop.com owner, you earn IBV and get sweet deals. AKA, do this for travel, duh.
- If you are over the age of 25, do not open too many browsers trying to hunt for 87 different permutations of the trip you are trying to take (i.e. searching two one-ways vs. one round trip, looking for different dates, etc.) Once you turn 26, your brain no longer functions as that of a young whipper snapper under-25’er, and you will just get confused. Chances are you haven’t thought of anything that the ‘America’s smoothest criminals’ airlines haven’t already thought of & accounted for in ticket prices anyway.
- When ordering for multiple people, always use your own email as the contact information. Don’t be like my, um, “friend” and use your husband’s thinking it makes a shred of difference, and then in the event that you need to cancel due to stupidity, be unable to access said email for confirmation/cancellation details.
- Do not be simultaneously browsing Facebook, or holding a half-assed conversation with your friends that aren’t even getting your full attention since you’re 26 & can no longer multitask. Because you will make a mistake. Which brings me to,
- ALWAYS. ALWAYS. AL-F***KING-WAYS CHECK THE FLIGHT DATES. Check. Double check. Triple check. Check so many times that the friends you’re ignoring want to sign you up for that show that combats Obsessive Compulsive Disorder tendencies. I think it’s called Obsession. Aim for that level of date certainty.
- When you’re done checking, CHECK AGAIN. JUST DO IT.
What if I don’t check the dates as thoroughly as suggested in steps five & six?
Well that’s a good question. As it does happen. And it doesn’t in any way make you a moron even though it feels like it for the rest of the day and, in some cases, week. In the event that you and I, two complete strangers, have so much in common already, I can & will very happily & immediately direct you to the appropriate Customer Service number so that you can very happily & immediately cancel the shit out of your wrongfully purchased tickets. If you happen to use American Airlines, I even know the number & steps by heart, as I dealt with a nice man we’ll call Ron this morning, and went through the recordings three times this afternoon. It’s a relatively painless process if you consider a $10/ticket processing fee painless. 🙂
What if I don’t have a shop.com account?
You can sign up for free right here where yours truly would become your shopping consultant, chock full of ways to save and earn money by shopping online. And as an added bonus, I will also serve as your life coach here at this very blog even fuller(?) of cautionary tales regarding what not to do as an adult. I make the mistakes so that you don’t have to.
Do you actually make the mistakes so that we don’t have to?
Let’s say yes.