recipe translation for the undomestic.

Happy Friday y’all!  I hope everyone is enjoying their four-day work week, if they had one!  And either way, four day or five day week, today is Friday!

It’s funny, it feels like the weekend just happened, and it’s already Friday again.  Any fun summer plans for the weekend?!  As for me, on Saturday I’ll be in Milwaukee for a business seminar where the speaker is, in a nutshell, my entrepreneurial life goal.  But in all seriousness, Ryan Stack, an amazing entrepreneur & educator in our company is coming to speak, so I’ll be all over that like white on rice.  You?

In other news, I had my first real life brush with the difference between one’s online persona, and their offline one.  Let’s just say, the ability a person has to make their lives look like a daily magical adventure has been bothering me a lot more than normal, as of late.  Separate post to come.

But in the meantime, in the interest of honesty, and in case I have ever been guilty of sharing only the positives, I’ve planned to open up the Undomestic can a little bit further, and actually reveal how truly terrible I am at anything resembling adult duties.  I know I call my blog Undomestic Mrs., but I don’t think I’ve ever actually indicated how fitting that title really is.  Partially because I’m embarrassed of it, and partially because well, it didn’t dawn on me to play-by-play my cooking “skills” until this morning, haha.

Today’s exhibit is just an example of how I interpret recipes, and yet still manage to complain about how they never come out the way they look on Pinterest.  However, the taste wasn’t too bad at all, if I do say so myself.  So, to all of the other hopeless undomestics out there, you can take reasonable shortcuts, and it will be okay!

Before I start, here is a random picture of my dog as a puppy, because, there are a lot of words on this page, so lets break it up just a bit.

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The following took place Tuesday afternoon after I did my bi-weekly scouring of Pinterest for dinner ideas.  Because I wholeheartedly assure you that without Pinterest as my guiding light, Anthony would not be fed. I didn’t take any photos because, well, there just wasn’t time nor room nor, frankly, any interest in doing so that night, ha!  (We’re being honest, right?)

It had been a long long weekend, the house was (is still) in disarray, the couch was (is still) in the kitchen… it’s not easy to maneuver around a couch that makes you wonder how the heck it got in the house in the first place (for reals, we could not get it out the door… hence, the kitchen.)  So I wasn’t super motivated to try and cook something, but I wanted to at least attempt something, since Anthony had been busting his butt all weekend on the floors that put the couch in the kitchen.  So I had settled on Baked Salmon with Honey Dijon & Garlic, via Table for Two.  Yeah, sorry the featured photo for this post was super misleading.  It’s nothing delicious or desserty at all.  Apparently the only food I take pictures of involve sugar.  Eg.

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I will get better at this.

For anyone interested in trying the real deal and actually doing it right, here is the actual recipe:

Prep time: 5 minutes
Cook time: 15 minutes
Total time: 20 minutes
2 10-12oz. fresh salmon
3-4 cloves of garlic
3 tbsp. honey Dijon mustard
2-3 tbsp. parsley, finely chopped
1/2 lemon, juiced
a pinch of salt
1/8 cup olive oil
1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees.  Line a large baking sheet with foil & place salmon on top of foil & set aside.
2. In a medium bowl, whisk together garlic, parsley, honey Dijon, lemon juice, salt, & olive oil.  Whisk until well-combined then using a pastry brush, brush the sauce onto the salmon pieces.
3. Bake uncovered for 15-20 minutes (or depending on how thick your salmon is, reduce or increase by 2-3 minutes)
4. Serve with your favorite sides!

Translation:
Prep time: Nothing will ever, EVER take me a mere five minutes to prep.  In fact, I refuse to believe anyone can realistically prep a meal in five.  I take prep times and multiply them by at least three.
Cook time: 15-20 minutes sounds easy enough.
Total time: including shopping for ingredients?  I usually start the dinner process around 2:30-3pm and finish it up around 5:30pm.  So 20 minutes is a mere guideline designed to make you question what you’re doing with your life.

2 10-12oz. fresh salmon pieces.  This very quickly turned into a $23.85 mistake.  I ended up with about 30oz. of salmon when the girl behind the fish counter couldn’t find a piece that would be a little closer to 1.5 lbs.
3-4 cloves of garlic.  The last four times I’ve been to the grocery store, I have been unable to find garlic.  I know they sell it.  I’ve bought it there before.  Was there a recall on garlic that I didn’t know about??  Lucky for me, I have garlic powder at home.  That’s close enough, right?  Hell, if it’s not, I won’t even know.
3 tbsp. honey Dijon mustard.  I went up and down the shelves.  They had honey mustard galore, Dijon mustard up the yin yang, but nowhere did I see honey Dijon mustard.  Is that even a thing that you can buy?  Not at Festival Foods in Wisconsin!
2-3 tbsp parley, finely chopped.  I love having to buy a huge bushel of things like parsley or cilantro, only to use a handful or two, and then the rest goes bad.
a pinch of salt.  In the moment I shrugged it off as “I’ll get to that.”  In reality, well, I forgot that part.
1/8 cup of olive oil.  Even this was touch and go.  The smallest measuring cup we have is 1/4 cup.  It sort of looked like half.  I don’t know.  Close enough.

1. Measure as you go and add almost everything listed in step two into a bowl and mix together using a fork, because using a whisk just adds another dish to have to wash later.  An annoying dish at that.

2. Remember that the parsley goes in this bowl too, and randomly rip a handful off the plant and chop it as finely as 90 seconds of effort will allow.  Forget aforementioned salt.

3. Wonder why you would even own a pastry brush.  Then, think about how you normally use a folded paper towel to wipe sauces as a lame attempt to substitute brushing.  Opt out of that messy ordeal this time, and just use a spoon to scoop a bit of sauce per piece of salmon, and spread it around.

4. Cook uncovered for more like 25 minutes, because lucky for this culinary wizard, salmon looks exactly the freaking same raw or cooked, so I don’t actually know how to tell when it’s done, and I had already called my mom with enough questions by that point.

5. Remember that package of risotto you bought weeks ago that also takes twenty minutes to cook, and throw that on the stove as well.  Oh, and microwavable frozen broccoli.  Because, vegetables.

I’m a catch.  Really. 🎣

Happy Friday! Happy weekend! Happy life!  Mostly because I don’t cook on the weekends. 😬

 

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