Happy hump day everyone! I am sitting outside Starbucks baking in the sun pretending I’m still in Florida, and not suffering through the depression that tends to follow a vacation.
The last time we went down to Florida with Anthony’s family was July 2014, and I had a very similar internal episode where I couldn’t handle reality for a second once I got back, because I missed being in a place where real life didn’t follow you.
I remember walking into work the day after flying back to Connecticut, and feeling a little panicky. Vacation was over. This thing I had looked so forward to for so long had come and gone, and now all that was left was the every day life that had been just fine before ten days of leisure where the biggest decision was “to beach or not to beach?”
I felt anxious, I didn’t want to be there, and I didn’t know what to do to make that sudden overwhelming feeling go away. It wasn’t fun to feel (however temporarily it may have been) so dissatisfied with my life. Well, maybe dissatisfaction is the wrong word. For the most part, I was and am very content with life, and also very thankful to be able to say that. But maybe more that I had become addicted to that lazy lifestyle where we did whatever we wanted in a sunny vacation spot for over a week, and then I was suddenly back in New England going through withdrawals.
Once my ten-minute break rolled around, I sat in the back and tried to shrink myself out of it. Vacations are what they are because of this. That it is an escape, and meant to feel like one, and they are only meant to be temporary. If that were real life, we humans would soon grow tired of that just as easily. Look at most retired people. They all tend to have some sort of hobby to fill their over-abundance of free time. Some even find a different little side job. Eventually, reality calls us all back, and we answer the call.
However, in realizing this, I also realized something else. But I didn’t realize that this moment in early August 2014, was the moment until yesterday when we arrived back in Milwaukee and I was actually straight up crying* about having to be back.
* In my defense, normally vacation ending is sad, but like.. A normal amount of sad. The excessive tears were because it was a double whammy, in that not only was vacation ending, but this was the first time since moving to Wisconsin that we had six days of uninterrupted time with immediate family that we never see anymore. Making it an amazing vacation, but also a LOT more difficult than I expected to see it come to an end.
But anyway, yes. That day at Starbucks was the day a switch went off in my brain. Up until that point, Starbucks was what I was doing with my life. I planned to move up and into management, and I loved that idea. But it was then that I realized, I wanted even more than what I had just experienced. It was the first year down in the house Anthony’s parents had just bought, and someday, I wanted to be the one opening up my Florida beach home to a big family vacation. It was then that I realized that I was going to own my own business, and be my own boss. No longer was it going to be part of my plan to have to try and get time off to live my life. No longer was working at least one weekend day per week going to be something I was happily opting into for the rest of my working life.
Once I started thinking about things that way, my anxiety slowly went away. I felt more in control, and even if that life I desired wasn’t exactly right around the corner, it was attainable if I was willing to put the work in.
And here we are. End of July, early August. Two years later, almost to the date, and my last day at Starbucks is on Saturday. I own two businesses, and am slowly starting to work my way towards the second part of that new lifestyle.
Two years later, I am crossing part one (working for myself) off of my list of goals, and I didn’t even realize it until like ten minutes ago.
Guys, no dream is too big, nor unattainable if you’re willing to try. And if I’m saying this, it’s the truth, believe me. ☀️
Oh, and p.s. I have also realized that based on how I feel after six days away, the Kardashians could never handle real life. 😜