late but negative

My body is weird.

At this point in the TTC journey that seriously just started but my impatience blows up to feel like we have been trying for years, I’m three days late and tested negative on day one.  As I said in my last post, I have read numerous occasions where people nested negative when they first realize they were late, but then tried again a week later and got their positive.  Now that I am on day three of no period, still feeling nauseous, pinchy cramps, some light TMI stuff, and enough headaches to make me want to get back on the caffeine train, I’m seriously starting to wonder.  It is really hard to wait to pee on a stick.  The weeks used to fly by.  The last two and half have been the longest ever.  Every damn day just crawls by.  What feels like a week since my period was supposed to show up was only three days.  Argh.  Part of me wants to just test tomorrow.  Just because.  I just want to know.  For two reasons.  The first being the obvious, I want to know if there is a mini Sam or Anthony in there.

The second being, I have had exactly four periods this year.  Back before we decided to start trying, it was just kind of a “well I’m not pregnant and as long as it shows up before I want to get pregnant, I’m going to enjoy not having a period.”  I was minorly concerned, because I knew at some point I was going to want to have kids and I had always had an irrational fear that I would have trouble conceiving.  But my gyno told me that if it doesn’t come back in six months, to go back and they can try and figure it out.  Long story short, four glorious-but-stressful period-free months later, aunt Flo wanders back into my life like nothing happened, and shows up almost like clockwork for two months.

Month two of Flo’s nonchalant return was September.  Aka the first month we weren’t actively controlling birth.  And here we are a month or so later, waiting on aunt Flo, as usual.  Now if we hadn’t stopped using any forms of BC, I would just be stressing again about another missing period, and praying that it wasn’t a repeat of the four month dry spell.  But since I was regular for two months, did the deed BC-free, and now am having those lovely PMS symptoms that are so conveniently identical to early pregnancy symptoms, I’m not sure what to think.

I don’t want to psych myself into think I’m pregnant and have my crazy mind convince my period not to show up… it’s a powerful thing that mind.  But I also don’t want to carelessly assume I’m not, nor do I want to ignore the missing aunt Flo, considering what happened the last time she took off on me.

The one thing that has me thinking pregnancy this go around is the fact that I have a boatload of symptoms.  Whether those symptoms are PMS or preggo, I have no idea, but it offers some comfort because during the four months of aunt Flo’s silent treatment, I really had very few symptoms of anything.  Maybe a cramp here or there.  But this time it’s full blown something is coming.

Whether it’s the unwelcome aunt Flo or a little smush to be, I hope we find out soon!

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