real talk tuesday: insecure partners

Real Talk Tuesday is my own personal commentary on whatever the topic.
Opinions are my own, and just that-- opinions.  Feel free to agree
or disagree!  RTTs are not meant to be offensive in any way, and I 
hope they aren't, but, you know, just in case! Haha.

I know somebody.  Who’s dating somebody.  Unfortunately it’s going to be pretty vague because, well, it’s the internet and you never know.

There’s this dude.  He’s been dating a girl for several years now (I’ve met her once or twice at a party and in passing).

He and a few others were talking about taking a vacation down south in the coming months, and he mentioned how the schedule would have to work out for both of them, because she would need to go too.

This didn’t sound out of the ordinary, as they’d been together for a while, and I started going on vacations with Anthony a little under a year into our relationship.  So, I didn’t think anything of it.  In fact, I would have actually found it weirder if she wasn’t going (no matter how much I will be reconsidering my availability for that week #biotch).

A few days later talks of the vacation were still buzzing around, and it came up that the reason this girlfriend had to go wasn’t because, “they vacation as a unit,” but because she doesn’t trust him to go away with his friends & family and not do something wrong.

I assume she means with other girls.

Enter: confusion.

pexels-photo-1004020.jpeg

What I don’t understand, for the life of me, are people who outright don’t trust their partners for no reason other than they just don’t.

They are not married.  They don’t have any children.  They kinda-sorta live together, but the place is owned by his parents.  So there’s nothing binding them together.

I guess I have two questions for her:

∗ If you don’t trust your partner to the point of, wherever they go, you go, and if you can’t be there you’re constantly keeping tabs on them– what are you doing still dating them?

∗ And, further, if you’ve been together for multiple years, and nothing has ever happened– why do you have this debilitating fear that something will?

In my opinion, I feel that it would be insulting to the other person, if they’ve done nothing wrong in the first place, to allow what I have to guess is a personal insecurity to imply that they aren’t trustworthy nor faithful.

Yes, I do believe there are obvious exceptions.  Far be it from me to ever say anything positive about Hillary, but I do give her credit for not dumping Bill’s clothes all over the front lawn of the White House & suggesting he find somewhere else to live at the end of his second term.  If someone has a “colorful” history, or if you have a history with someone who cheated on you and it’s a knee-jerk reaction that you’re trying to curb– so different, and not what I’m referring to.  I’d never weigh in on a situation like that.  This is more directed at the people who have no history nor reason to suspect.

It just feels the same as accusing someone of wanting to rob a bank anytime they walk into one, with no evidence to support this claim.

I can’t picture a situation where I would commit to years and a possible forever of worrying that anytime my partner goes out and I’m not there, he or she would do something stupid.  I wouldn’t invite that type of stress into a relationship, and to be perfectly honest, I’d be far too lazy to be willing to be in a relationship where I had to constantly worry about that.

I’m not judging anyone, I don’t think I’m perfect, and I’m not pointing fingers (except at dude I know’s girlfriend 😏, whom you may have gathered I don’t particularly care for…😜), but on behalf of dude I know, and all the other good people out there who are with partners who can’t trust them, don’t let your own insecurities cloud your judgment.

Don’t let it get in the way of what could be a perfectly trusting and more fluid relationship.  Because, I know if I were the person that wasn’t trusted after never doing anything wrong in the first place, I’m not sure how long I’d be willing to put up with someone questioning my every move or soiling my good name.

Not to mention, at least in the case of dude I know and his wrangler girlfriend, she’s just one of those girls who would positively have. a. cow. if that type of finger were ever pointed in her direction.  And I think we all know how I feel about hypocrisy. 💁🏻

Like I said before, I hope this doesn’t offend anyone.  And I know sometimes my tone can come off a wee bit more hostile than intended.  To be perfectly honest, I think I just have a bug up my ass that this girl may end up on vacation at the same time and in the same place as me.  Which would be fine if she was there because they were enjoying a vacation together and not just to tighten dude I know’s noose leash.  That whole revelation just really had me raising an eyebrow.

I’d love to know your thoughts on this subject!

In the meantime I’ll be butchering some blueberry muffins, as I’m about 88% sure I don’t have all the ingredients but, if you don’t believe in yourself, who will, right? 😳

I’m trying to have a Real Talk Tuesday each week with more serious, “real” topics than what I normally blather on about, so if there is an idea you’d be interested in discussing, drop me a message or a comment, because more often than not, I’m fresh out of ideas.

As in, they have to basically unfold right in front of my face like the above situation in order for me to even consider something topical.  Help a girl out. 😂

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29 thoughts on “real talk tuesday: insecure partners

  1. Trust is such a difficult thing isn’t it? I would talk to your friend about it. It’s really just so sad when people are unfaithful like this! I’ve been lucky so far in this area but I hear being unfaithful is really becoming more common place. I just shake my head…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It really seems like it’s becoming more prevalent! Or maybe technology just allows it to be public when it happens. Either way, I wish it wasn’t the case!

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  2. I completely agree. If you have a reason to be suspicious then why are you still dating, and if not, why are you so concerned? Maybe you should talk to your friend about his relationship because it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere good.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I may try, but I know a few of his guy friends have given it a shot, and for some reason he stays with her. Maybe he’s more okay with it than I think.. who knows. I agree though, if it’s a situation like that, I just don’t see it going anywhere positive.

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  3. This relationship is doomed for failure because trust has to be present on a daily basis. If he is not trustworthy on vacation, he is not trustworthy at work or on weekends hanging with friends. Sometimes you have to listen to your gut or have an open conversation about why there is so little trust!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I certainly know what you mean when it comes to relationships. I get wanting to be with your partner because you are a couple. But not wanting the other person to go because you are afraid of what they will do either means the relationship is on rocky ground to begin with and you might need to think about not being in that relationship. Or, its possible you are projecting your own actions on to the other person. I know I wanted to go with my ex when I was with her. I just felt badly when she only seemed to want to ever go without me. There is a whole host of issues when it came to that. Which is why she is an ex and not together.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree. Something is definitely up if the only reason you’re going with your partner is to keep tabs on them. I’m sorry your situation was the opposite, but I’m glad you were able to move on from it!

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  5. TRUST is EVERYTHING! I feel like our society has had unfaithfulness become a norm and it has really impacted people to keep walls up when really they need to be coming down especially if that partner has done nothing to infringe on your trust! I am going through with my best friend, she has been hurt in the past and is struggling letting that go with her new bf. It is a process for sure but a lesson that needs to be learned!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! It’s so true and so sad at the same time. And that is crappy for your friend 😦 I hope she’s able to let the walls come down soon! I imagine it would be hard if there is a history there of being hurt. I hope her new boyfriend is understanding of that too!

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  6. You know when I was dating I was in so many situations like that I hate to say! But now with my husband it completely different. I was able to trust him from the beginning and never doubt him, and it truly makes such a difference! Hopefully she can work through her trust issues – I had to and it wasn’t easy. But so worth it for the end prize of an amazing relationship!<3

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, maybe that’s when you know it’s real! I didn’t date a whole lot before my husband, but I do know I’ve never had anything but 100% trust in him, so I think that’s amazing the difference you noticed with your husband! 💖 I hope she works through it too, because he really is a decent guy and it would be a shame if she lost him over something like that. Love this comment! 🙂

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  7. Hahaha. Now regarding the first story you narrated. Please insert “marry”in place of “dating” as I know many people in that category. Like how is what I ask myself. Why would you chose to be miserable for the rest of your life. But lately, I realize that some have very little expectations of themselves and that’s why they mostly settle in friendships and relationships.

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  8. I still don’t know why people leave each other and because of those we get judged for No reason. This is why some of them are afraid to trust, but according to your story, it is not worth to your or your partner’s time or energy.
    But I want to know what is the term “Have a Cow” ?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s such a shame that it’s something people feel they have to worry about– especially when there is no reason for it in the first place!
      Having a cow is kind of a way of saying overreacting or having a fit.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s good that you put it out there because this is becoming a real issue these days. I understand that a lot of people are more unfaithful these past years or so or maybe it’s just easier to catch them now and people have always been unfaithful but trust is something that’s REALLY important in a relationship especially if you’ve been together for a long time. I just hope this woman gives her man a break. Like, it’s better if she lets him go off on his own and if he does something then that’s on him. At least you know that he’s not worth your time anymore, right?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree! I’m not sure what it is. I love to blame technology for everything though. I often wonder if things like infidelity, the divorce rate being higher, etc is due at least in part to the role technology has played in the lives of people these days, 25 and under especially. If you don’t like an app, you delete it. Made a stupid comment? Delete it. We are in the age of control z and undo, and I think people are more willing to make mistakes because they somehow believe it can be fixed as easily as deleting a Facebook post. I 100% agree, trust is SO important, and she should let him go on his own, because he’s going to do what he’s going to do. I’d much rather someone be faithful to me because they want to be rather than because I kept them on a tight leash. And since he won’t be making and stupid mistakes, maybe she can finally let up and trust him afterward. Sounds like a win-win to me!

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