do I need a special degree?

Happy Friday!  We made it through another week of climate confusion as I sit and type this in a light-but-long-sleeved shirt on this very mild July 13th.

Shout out to my squish-nugget niece who turns four today!  (Please bow your heads & pray my mom wraps the gift I got her for me. Amen. 🙏)

IMG_9205

So I know it’s not Tuesday (yay Friday), but I have some real talk over here.  Though, let’s be honest, wondering if I have something to bitch about is like asking if a bear shits in the woods.

Just a quick head’s up though, if you’re either a guy or uninterested in the frustration that surrounds trying to conceive, this post may not be for you.  But then again, I can personally guarantee you that whether you know it or not, you more than likely do personally know someone struggling to procreate so, I don’t know.  Read on?  Lol just kidding, it’s mostly useless venting so, you decide what you’re in the mood for on this fine Fri-yay. 🤷‍♀️

giphy3

I’ve mentioned this little sitch’ a time or two in past posts, I think, so some of you may know we have “unofficially” been trying for a baby for going on two years.  I’m not super into whining about it on the blog because I don’t want people to get the wrong idea nor feel like I’m looking for sympathy or anything like that.  It’s just kind of a downer topic, not to mention a conversational dead-end that shockingly doesn’t come up as organically as one might think. 😉😂

Anyway, I say unofficially because for like, a collective 12 of the 22 months we’ve been not not trying, I haven’t had a period so, you can’t really “try” to reproduce if your reproductive cycles are basically non-functional.. know what I mean? 😂

Oddly enough though, I’m super thankful to report that said cycles have (knock on wood) leveled out and pretty much returned to as close to normal as possible ever since we’ve moved back east and into our new house.  So I want to say a lot of the missing periods were due to the subconscious stress of living far from family.  Which is ironic considering if I had the choice to stay here or rewind time and go back to WI I would definitely pick the latter because I am lazy and miss having a $500 mortgage payment on a three-bedroom, three-bathroom house. 🤔

Anyway, back in the dairyland I would use Ovulation Predictor Kits every so often.  I don’t know if you know this, but when you’re trying to conceive, you develop a very awkward addiction to yet phobia of peeing on sticks.  Gotta always have something to pee on, even if you’re too terrified of a negative result to actually use it. 😂

giphy1

Once we moved out this way and suddenly felt like we dropped below the poverty line thanks to the east coast’s financial assault on its residents, I started using the ClinicalGuard cheapies from Amazon where you get like 40 for $12 that were a total life changer.  So much easier, so much less plastic, and my credit card breathed a sigh of relief when I started getting at least two cycle’s worth of tests for the price of less than one of the bigger name brands.  You’re literally peeing on it.  It shouldn’t cost more than a few cents per test, and they all work the same way. 😃

And by the same way, I mean, regardless of what “two line” test you decide to blow your money on, you’re going to be squinting, going from window to window, natural light to florescent, wondering if you may even own a magnifying glass, and then finally taking pictures to look at later with a more objective eye as you sit and try and determine whether or not the test line MATCHES the control line, or ALMOST matches.

giphy
literally me. several times per day. per week.

I know there are brands that offer the smiley face when you’re going to ovulate.  Super straight-forward, either positive or negative, none of this “based on your particular eye do you feel as though the shade of the test line is the EXACT shade of if not DARKER than the control line?” bullshit.  But, as much as I want kids, I also have this weird stubbornness about spending too much money on that because I’m like 99% that it’ll happen when it’s meant to, on its own, without all the crazy bells and whistles.

(As I research and price out Ava bracelets. 😂)

Anyway, my rant for the day is, they need to make an easier, more definitive test of impending ovulation that doesn’t cost $30/box  I’m starting to think I need a fucking degree to decipher a positive from a negative.  I would think it’s supposed to be a “when you look at it, if the lines look the same or the test line is super dark, it’s negative” kind of deal.

But what if I looked too fast?  Or in the wrong light?  Or imagined it?  Or it wasn’t actually close but looked close in that moment?  What if it changed from the last time I looked at it ten minutes ago?  I should probably check every single time I go in my room today, for good measure.

giphy2
also me.

Please tell me I’m not alone in this? 😂

Don’t worry though.  There are months where my sole mission in life is to conceive, but thankfully we are in the throes of summer and I’m kind of caught between wanting to have children and wanting to get drunk on vacation in a couple weeks, so the TTC Psychosis is sort of at bay at the moment. 😂  Not to mention we are renovating our house and I highly doubt there are very many fetuses who dream of a diet of plaster dust and paint fumes so, hopefully this will take the pressure off enough for my ovaries to stop being afraid of me. 😂

In a world with a Bible that reads “be fruitful and multiply” and with shows like Teen Mom, who’da thought it would be so damn hard to get knocked up?  And hot damn did we waste SO much money on condoms in the dating years. 😂

Disclaimer #1: Post contains affiliate links. I may receive compensation for said links, but rest assured, I only share links if it naturally fits into a post and ONLY when I actually love the product and feel like it’s worth peoples’ money.  Needless to say, as I can find fault with most things, you don’t see this disclaimer very often. 😂

Disclaimer #2: I am a paranoid nut and absolutely DO NOT drink when I think I am within fertile windows or waiting for my period to show up. I also wear a mask in the house doing work and obviously prefer having children to any of the aforementioned leisure activities so, don’t worry, I’m not harming any potential life over here. 😂✌️

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “do I need a special degree?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s