Welcome to Real Talk Tuesday!
I don’t know why I boast this “feature” on my blog. I feel like every time I post — Tuesdays or otherwise — I’m complaining about something and at one point or another in my ranting use the phrase “real talk.” So, thanks for coming back nevertheless. I’d promise there would be light at the end of my long, cynical tunnel if I knew the answer myself. 🤔
On today’s chopping block is a quick Bachelor recap, (I’m really invested this season, don’t ask me why) and if we have time, the major scam that is whoever guesstimates the amount of time it takes to read a blog post.
Confused? You’re in good company. Let’s just dive right in. Eventually my thought knots iron themselves out. (Do they, though?)
The Bachelor — Pilot Pete Edition.
The first THREE HOUR EPISODE of the week (they’ve got to be toying with us now.. seeing just how long they can make this saga drag out per night to see who will watch from start to finish. Spoiler alert: EVERYONE WILL) begins with all of the Drool Puddles & Kelley waiting with bated breath on a rose ceremony, still reeling from the fact that Alayah, sporting a full on “Killer Wives” look, is still there despite being asked to leave the show in a prior episode. Thankfully this nonsense doesn’t last long, and she is soon escorted out by Peter before the first commercial break. But not before he does so holding her hand because, I still maintain, the biggest drama queen in this dumpster fire is Peter himself.
JUST TRUST ME when I tell you the rest of the episode revolves around Kelsey’s spending 95% of this season crying & Tammy The House Flipping Opportunist turning said crying into “emotional instability” and “substance abuse” accusations during her chit chat with Airplane Andy.
Most women just shove their tongues down Peter’s throat. Not Tammy. Tammy goes for the jugular.
In the meantime Kelley the Attorney (aka the every woman) gets her date with Peter and not only proves she is too mature and too smart for him, she does so while also kind of effortlessly putting him in his place in a way that only a self-assured, independent woman can do. Go Kelley go! And by go, I mean go home, because you ending up with Peter is you settling, and I think you kind of know this now. Find yourself a real man, or become the first Bachelorette with a brain. Petition to make Kelley the next Bachelorette!
To the surprise of no one, Peter turns Kelley’s inability to fall in love with him after four seconds into “this just isn’t the effort I want to see, I don’t know if there is a future.”
God, Kelley, why haven’t you tried to have sex with him yet? It’s like you have standards or something. What a loser.
Their date concludes with Peter insisting the “process” works, she just has to trust it and go all in. Cue the haha’s as this is coming from someone who was on the Bachelorette and is still single. As is the previous Bachelorette. So, at this point I am unsure if he’s talking about the Bachelor “process” or if he is trying to recruit her into an MLM. 🤔
Finally, back at the Costa Rican mansion, Kelsey talks to Peter who expresses his concern for her downward spiral: the alleged excessive drinking and pill popping.
While she is in fact a lunatic who openly “can’t handle sharing a guy with other girls 😭😖😫😭😖😫” whilst a voluntary part of the cast of The Bachelor where the whole idea is to share a guy with other girls, an alcoholic pill popper is a sliiight stretch. At least from what us viewers at home have seen. So reel it in, gas-lighter Tammy.
Anyway, Kelsey comes back into the room looking a little “Snapped” casually wondering who told Peter she was emotionally unstable & it cuts to the 84th commercial break.
In the end, neither Tammy nor Kelsey go home, and instead he sends home two chicks whose names I don’t remember but seemed super nice and way more genuine than the hoard of phonies left standing before him.
On a slight side note, did anyone else wonder how Kelsey’s sanity was called into question while Mykenna spends entire episodes doing one of the following things:
I’m not sure what about her and heavily documented instability is making him keep her around, but I assure you, I am seriously questioning not only his judgment, but also his intelligence.
Peter, you’re unloading all the normal people and proceeding with a band of crazies into what you have now thrice referred to as “the hardest part.” Like they are on Survivor or in boot camp preparing for war and not on the freaking Bachelor where they legit vacay and party for free for weeks while fighting for your evidently dimwitted attention.
Welp, buckle up ladies, “it just gets harder!” Says the man who walked into a golf cart but the injury sustained from said incident was from simultaneously slamming a glass into his face. Dafuq? (He flies commercial jets full of human lives for a living, btw.)
And Kelsey has the drinking problem?
Kelley for president!
I’m out. ✌️